Shopping at Penney’s has not made me a lesbian

Sure, this is anecdotal evidence, but take it for what it’s worth.

I like to buy jeans at J.C. Penney. They have a decent variety of Levis, usually at a good price. Now, granted, I was never persuaded to shop for jeans there by a spokesperson of any kind. But I also have not seen any sign that my Levis give a damn what kind of family I’m in. Nor has my sexuality changed, so far as I can tell, as a result of my wearing them. There has not been the slightest uptick in my attraction to girls, and no increase in incidences of my having been mistaken for a lesbian. I have neither been ejected from my “traditional family” as daughter for wearing them, nor been refused admission to a “traditional family” as wife. In fact, if my ass looks sufficiently good in those jeans, they might actually aid in the latter endeavor.

So I’m sorry, Penney’s. If having Ellen DeGeneres as your spokesperson has all been some kind of nefarious plot to create gays, repel non-gays, convert non-gays into gays, and/or destroy traditional families, it doesn’t seem to be working. At least on me. Please don’t listen to the “One Million” Moms. They literally don’t know what they’re afraid of.