Here’s an excerpt from the list of very detailed instructions about what to do in every kind of emergency posted on my door:

Attention-drawing red ellipse added by me

Most of these instructions make pretty good sense, but the “DO NOT JUMP!” in all-caps is a little boggling.  As mentioned previously, I’m on the 20th floor.  I’m pretty sure that jumping is something that wouldn’t even occur to me unless I were absolutely convinced that agonizing fiery death was, at maximum, about two seconds away.  You might as well instruct me “DO NOT FILL TUB WITH WATER AND THEN SUBMERGE FACE IN IT UNTIL ASPHYXIATION OCCURS” or “DO NOT INSERT HEAD INTO DRAWER AND SLAM IT SHUT REPEATEDLY.”  Okay, that last one would actually take a long time to kill me, if it’s even possible to die that way.  Plus it would probably require outside assistance.  But you get the idea. 

I like that the placard informs the hotel guest to “keep firefighting,” though.  It feels good to be proactive in an emergency– gives you a sense of purpose and reduces stress.  It might even elevate the person’s self-esteem.  If they’re very good at it, there might be a career opportunity waiting there…who knows?